Winning Friends & Influencing People – Part 4
This week we’ll conclude the overview of Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, as we continue to gain more insight into the wisdom millions of people around the world have found to help them become extremely successful in the business world and life in general.
“Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment”
PRINCIPLE 1: “Begin With Praise and Honest Appreciation. It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points. Beginning with praise is like a dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.”
PRINCIPLE 2: “Call Attention to People’s Mistakes Indirectly. Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word “but” and ending with a critical statement. Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment.
This can be easily overcome by changing the word “but” to “and”. Instead of: ‘We are really proud of you for raising your grades, but if you had worked harder your results would have been even better.’ Try: ‘We are really proud of you for raising your grades, and by continuing to work hard your grades will get better and better’.”
PRINCIPLE 3: “Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing the Other Person. It isn’t nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable. Admitting one’s own mistakes, even when one hasn’t corrected them, can help convince somebody to change his behavior.”
PRINCIPLE 4: “Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders. No one likes to take orders.” When possible, give people the opportunity to share in the decision-making process and let them learn from making their mistakes. “A technique like that saves a person’s pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion. Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time, even if the order was given to correct an obvious bad situation.
Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.”
PRINCIPLE 5: “Let the Other Person Save Face. We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or employee in front of others, without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride. Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lost face.
The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote: ‘I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime’.”
PRINCIPLE 6: “Spur People on to Success. Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving. When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.
Everybody likes to be praised, but when praise is specific, it comes across sincere, not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.”
I hope you’ve enjoyed the conclusion of this very brief wisdom-filled overview of Dale Carnegie’s, “Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment”
As always, this is just the very tip of the iceberg relative to the wealth of knowledge and wisdom you’ll find in his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.
You can download a free copy of Dale Carnegie’s “How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment” outlined above at my website Wisdom-Matters by clicking on the “Free Resources” tab.
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See you next Sunday for another life-changing study on Wisdom-Matters!